I often write these columns while sitting in a pub, writes Steve N Allen.
You can tell which because they end with many typos and me saying 'I love you, you're my best friend'.
One pub chain has brought in a new rule which has upset some parents but may have made it easier for people like me who can' afford an office.
Wetherspoons has told parents that if they are in the pub with their children and they are having alcoholic drinks they can only have a maximum of two.
At first I thought that sounded like the one-child policy of China in the 80s but then I realised they meant only two drinks.
I'm sure most parents look after their offspring while out drinking but a few have a great time while letting the rest of the world be their crèche.
Why is it the age at which children like to run around is the age when they have reached the height of most tables?
No wonder the parents need a drink; watching those little heads dash round near the solid tables is terrifying.
Before we breakdown into an argument about whether this rule is good let's ask this question; Who is going out for three or more drinks with their toddlers?
They are hardly able to walk and unable to communicate properly, and they're in charge of their toddlers.
I know the children won't be drinking and seeing as kids these days have those little electric mini-cars they could be the designated driver.
This was never a problem when I was growing up.
The bars in pubs were adult places that we weren't allowed in.
On those rare occasion that I could glimpse through a slowly closing door I saw a bar that looked like the helm of a spaceship with all of those pumps and optics.
A spaceship that had a sheet of peanuts that were slowly revealing a Page 3 girl.
Whether you think this rule is positive or not, we can all agree it is unworkable.
There is nothing to stop someone popping into one pub to have a couple with their family and then walking to the next and doing the same.
They could spend all day doing the family pub crawl.
Look on the bright side, at it will increase their step count.
Oh, and I love you and you're my beast freindd.
Steve N Allen is a comedian and broadcaster who was raised in Sutton-in-Ashfield.