Football frenzy

EVERY couple of years football fans the length and breadth of the country are plunged into abject despair when, despite high expectations, England fail miserably in a major tournament.

But this year is different. Not because we are going to win, but because for once there appears to be zero expectation or hype.

Everyone is expecting us to fail. Good. This set of players are garbage and so the sooner we all accept we’re no-hopers, the better.

In fact, I could probably get into this England team. Anyone who saw me play at my pomp in the 1970s will tell you I was like that Messi, but stronger.