Mash Report star is wondering what we’ll be charged for next when we fly

We’re filming the latest series of The Mash Report in Pinewood Studios, so now I think I’m up there with Harry Potter and James Bond – my bank manager disagrees, writes comedian and Sutton-in-Ashfield lad Steve N Allen, star of BBC2’s The Mash Report.

There’s only one downside – I have to drive there.

Steve N Allen

Steve N Allen

It’s not the jet set lifestyle I thought this TV lark would be but maybe that’s for the best.

Flying is getting worse.

Ryanair has changed its baggage rules so that now we have to pay extra to take a suitcase with us.

Look on the plus side, at least you’ll never have your holiday ruined when the airline loses your luggage.

Luggage is now an optional extra, so what are we meant to do?

Only go on holiday to nudist beaches?

Not every destination has a nudist beach, although every beach is a nudist beach if you really try.

Maybe this is why British tourists have a reputation for drinking loads and not wearing much, we don’t have the luggage space for clothes.

And that’s why we drink; you have to do something to keep warm now you can’t take a coat.

You can still take a handbag with you but that will have your passport, foreign currency and mobile phone to film other passengers with, so you won’t have a lot of room left.

Ryanair says it’s doing it to reduce delays but if small suitcases cause delays why not ban them instead?

Surely taking money off someone causes more of a delay.

It’s the way budget airlines are going, charging for things you would have expected.

It won’t be long till you get on a flight and hear the safety announcement say, ‘in the event of a sudden loss of pressure oxygen masks will drop down from the compartment above you, just put a coin in the slot and oxygen will flow.’

Follow Steve on Twitter at @mrstevenallen