London marathon blog: 1 month and 20 days

Me after 17 miles on Sunday, with Floyd, he'd done six and celebrated with a Bonio.
Me after 17 miles on Sunday, with Floyd, he'd done six and celebrated with a Bonio.

I’VE been flagging this week. I’ve been out running a couple of times but I’ve really not wanted to go, at all.

And this has been coupled with the realisation that sponsorship really is just a different form of begging. And while I have been tweeting, facebooking and emailing friends and family about my running, I feel guilty asking for it.

Big boost to my fundraising page this week. Thank you everyone!

Big boost to my fundraising page this week. Thank you everyone!

But I’m not asking for me. I am asking for Wessex Cancer Trust and for Piam Brown ward and after all they did for me, what is a few awkward emails here and there? It’s the least I can do.

Also I’ve sponsored plenty of people in the past and it always made me feel warm and fuzzy. I got to encourage a friend, give to charity and I didn’t have to ‘do’ anything.

You see the problem with going out at the weekend and running 17 miles, is that rather than being left feeling smug at the distance, or warm and fuzzy about the cash raised, instead I feel exhausted and like I am losing my marbles.

I’m trying to adopt a more positive approach to this. Obviously I am NOT going to give up. But the thought of two more months of it does fill me with panic. I’ve got a blessed week off work in April. I am actually feeling like moving it to June because at the moment the marathon is hanging round my neck like a lead weight that I am dragging about with me on every run.

Added to that I seem to have gained weight not lost it, and it’s costing me £50 a week more on the weekly big shop simply because my husband’s buying the food while I am out running. In fact I think I’d have been better off, and so would Piam Brown Ward, if for the past six months I got a weekend job at Asda to raise the money.

But my husband Dave gave me a good talking to this weekend to lift me out of my marathon slump. He came for the last six miles of my 17 mile run and as I was flagging told me I need to be more positive about the whole thing and start to believe I can do this.

In 2007 I ran a Race for Life. I’d never run before and I really had to train, just running to the end of our road was hard and I did a lot of run-walking. I made about 500 quid for Cancer Research, the run took me 35 minutes and I felt brilliant afterwards and so proud of myself. Then after taking up a bit of jogging for a few years in 2010 I signed up for the Great South Run, which is 10 miles. The training nearly killed me. I distinctly remember getting lost in Sherwood Pines, in the rain, and running 11 miles by mistake, the last of which I spent crying.

So I can see how far I have come. Now I only feel like crying a good four miles after that.

Added to that I have had a major boost from generous friends and family in the last three days. All sorts of people have spotted my online page and started stumping up cash. I think I will take a print out of the page, with everyone’s messages on, to read when I am on the way to the start line.

So to conclude... London Marathon 2012 Bring it ON!

To donate www.justgiving.com/Debbie-Sansom