Lock yobs up in nearest zoo

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WHEN preacher John Wesley visited Worksop in 1780 he described the local folk as ‘a small company of as stupid people as I ever saw.’

So, not much has changed in the 232 years since his visit.

Last week’s Guardian front page also showed that some Worksop people appears to be languishing in the middle ages.

Drunken yobs are making life for some a living hell, brawling in the streets, and defecating and copulating on people’s driveways and gardens.

It sounds like a scene from a Victorian London slum.

I can’t believe in this day and age there are grown adults who behave in this grotesquely subhuman way.

And where are the police when these dim-witted dipsomaniacs are running amok, using other people’s property as one giant al-fresco toilet?

The boys and girls in blue should be out there rounding up these monstrous morons and locking them up where they belong - in the nearest zoo.

I don’t think the blame can be laid at the door of the pubs for staying open late, either.

The people they are serving are grown ups - it’s up to them to drink and behave responsibly.

When I’ve had a few bottles of Claret I just take myself up to bed, I don’t go on the rampage like a wild animal.

Anyone caught urinating or defecating in the street should be taken to the scene of the crime and have their faces rubbed in it.

LOOKING forward to celebrating the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee?

‘What are you on about, Grundi?’ I hear you all cry. ‘The Jubilee was t’other week.’

This was true for the majority of us, but just like the Queen has two birthdays, some people - teachers and schoolchildren - get to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee twice.

Apparently some schools are having an extra day off to celebrate the occasion.

What’s the matter, were the two days they had off at the beginning of June not sufficient?

Maybe they should have another day off to celebrate the fact they’ve got an extra day off.

I joke, but this will probably happen.

This is getting ridiculous. We’ll soon be at the point where teachers are off work more than they’re at work.

Apparently this extra day off is ‘in accordance with Government policy’.

So why haven’t the rest of us got any extra day?