I nearly choked on my breakfast grapefruit when I saw that seven a day was the new five the other morning.
In fact as it was April Fools’ Day I assumed it was some sort of elaborate hoax across the British media.
But no, after years of telling us we must eat five portions of fruit and veg a day, those ‘experts’ have raised the game still further.
But who on earth has time to eat seven lots of fruit and veg a day?
Are we supposed to make up for the two portions we’ve been missing out on every day all our lives by going on a broccoli binge?
And who would want to prolong their life if they had to trough through plate after plate of cabbage or broccoli just to meet a daily quota?
I’d fear for anyone downwind of me while I’ve got seven portions of fruit and veg mulching down in my digestive system.
And of course they don’t want us to tuck into tasty fruit and veg.
Oh no, we can’t have seven water melons or a wheelbarrow full of grapes.
And you can forget about tinned fruit too. If you like a tinned peach as much as I do you’re out of luck.
It’s all about eating your greens apparently. And in particular those veg which are rich in iron like broccoli. Yum, yum.
I always rush home after a tough day hoping cabbage soup or broccoli ravioli is on the menu.
It’s as ridiculous as the limits they have set for booze over the years.
What’s the point of living if you’re never allowed to exceed three to four units of alcohol in any given day?
How many burly factory workers do they expect to head out after work on a Friday night and then go home after a couple of pints because Government scientists told them to?