Not belligerent or aggressive. Nor pretentious or showy.

Nonchalant. That's it.

For example. Being as we are surrounded by arguably the most beautiful countryside in Britain, we are also encumbered with a menagerie of the dumbest wildlife.

So there I was, whispering along at the advised national speed limit when a plump pheasant makes the faux pas of sauntering across the asphalt.

Fffthudd. Up went a plume of feathers and what little brain the bird had was now festooning the Phaeton's modest grille.

And you know what – I swear to the big man above that the Veedub raised a smile. Nothing more. It's not the excitable type.

You might have one, actually, at your office or factory or building site. Not a Phaeton per se but something of a rock.

You know that when they're in charge, nothing can go wrong. You give them a job and they'll do it with pride and gusto without bleating a single utterance of discontent.

"Clean the toilet!"

"Yes Sir. With which bleach?"

"Brief the chief executive on last years profit/revenue margin yield!"

"In which currency Sir?"

No matter what job you throw at – it has the wherewithal to do it with aplomb.

"Massage my back..."

No, that's not me carrying on the already flogged analogy, the Phaeton will willingly knead your spine as it wafts you along. Oh, and treat your rump to a bowel-baking surge of hot air. The seats themselves must cost more than my car, full stop.

Then there's the acres of walnut dash which should provide enough wood to keep Noah in business should the great flood return. Built into this dashboard are airvents that retract as and when they're needed. Brilliant.

You can tell already then that Volkswagen are pitching the Phaeton at the luxury executive sector.

Under the bonnet you can have anything from a V6 TDi which churns out a more-than-adequate 233PS to the eye-poppingly brauny behemoth that is the 450bhp W12.

At the top of the spectrum the W12 petrol will hurtle to 60mph in 6.1seconds. This car weighs the same as Jersey and yet it will hit 60mph over a second quicker than a Golf GTi.

Along the way you will use the same amount of fuel as it takes to fly a gaggle of orange Worksop spinsters on a hen do to Benidorm but then you're unlikely to be a subscriber to the Greenpeace Gazette if you're even contemplating buying this car.

And, if you WANT to drive the Phaeton like it's a Golf GTi you can by lowering the air suspension and firming-up the ride. What's more, this isn't a gimmick. It works brilliantly.

I also had bags of fun with the cruise control. You'll be amazed at how ferociously it will brake should it detect the need.

If you want this car then you're likely to be a boss with a conscience, without the need to artificially inflate your sense of importance by driving something your staff will instatntly want to vandalise.

You're a person who likes comfort and refinement, but you don't feel the need to prance around in the Emperor's Clothes.

You prefer stealth. You prefer tact. And you prefer not to disclose the fact that, in the case of the W12, you can afford to splash out £75,000 on a car. Then again, if you're like me and you can't afford that, get the £37,000 base model.