And that's because last week I was driving a car which resembled one bought for me by my parents, years ago.

You know, the red ones with yellow roofs, and pedals that you're supposed to push backwards and forwards, but only succeed in scarring your shins for life.

If you're rubbish at unravelling analogies - the car was small. Very small. If you're good at unravelling analogies, you needn't have read the last bit. Sorry.

Anyhow, for anyone who, like me, is 6ft 2ins tall, the MGTFLE500 is not for you.

Even with the seat fully lowered and leant right back, my delicately waxed Barnet was quickly rendered an unwieldy bouffant that had blackbirds pecking at my skull in search of a room for the night.

Oh, I know, it's a mouthful isn't it? MGTFLE500 that is. And I think I know why that is so. The cars are now owned by a Chinese parent company, and MGTFLE500 is Chinese for go-kart, maybe – but what a go-kart.

Whilst it was a pain in the Romeo Brass having to don my helmet and protective knee and elbow pads every time I had to pop to the shops, it was fun making up excuses as to why I had forgotten the milk and Andrex, just so that I could go back out and try to beat my lap times to the Spa shop and back.

And in case you were wondering, the milk and Andrex were for nothing more sinister than plugging my ears. Honestly, a couple of sheets of toilet roll dunked in finest gold top were about the only thing that could defend my listeners from the deafening noise this car makes at speed.

The soft top, coupled with a delightfully throaty 1.8 16valve engine – which has undergone an overhaul since its last outing – combine to create a cacophony of noise that I can best describe as armageddon.

It really isn't pleasant, and so, to preserve your own sanity and drown out a noise that's only other use is SAS torture, you reach for the stereo – which is too complicated for words and harps back to yesteryear in its antiquity. The last time I saw a Pioneer stereo like this one was in my mate's putrid yellow Vauxhall Nova SR. And he crashed that.

The centre console controls also belong in the mits of a tweed-wearing antiques dealer. The MG bumph describes the interior as 'retro', and I won't deny that. But the switches aren't retro in a MINI way, they are retro in a MINI Metro way.

And that's a shame because with a little more thought and love, the interior could easily have a premium feel. There is, after all, very little of it to decorate, and it's halfway there.

The leather seats are spot-on. Some sports seats have a tendency to nip and squeeze, but these were wonderfully snug – and they need to be.

They need to be because the 'Chinese go-kart' is built for hard driving. It's built to tip-toe through the countryside without flattening a single daffodil.

Regular readers of mine will remember my outing in the Honda S2000. I was amazed at its road holding and agility, but it looks about as nimble as the infamous Half Ton Son in comparison with the MGTF.

No matter how many Gs I fed into the chassis, I couldn't get it to even hint at letting go. Granted, the 135bhp engine doesn't lend itself to tyre screeching tomfoolery, and at 8.3seconds to 60mph, it's not breaking any records, but because your backside is millimetres from a good grazing, it makes the whole process utterly engaging.

The small steering wheel, the letterbox windscreen, the soft-top styling...it all adds up to create an almost narcotic driving experience – you know it's probably damaging your health, but it is far too gratifying to give it up.


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